going to the bioscope

We didn't have malls when I was growing up. We bought our bread and milk from the corner shop and our meat from the local butcher. We had justed started watching television in 1976, and Rupert the bear, Maja the bee, Heidi and Knersis ("waar's daai hasie") kept us children entertained after school and families enjoyed badly dubbed serials like "Arsene Lupin" and "Tierbriegade" at night. The familiar themes of "Misdaad" or "Derrick" meant that it was time for bed, but I didn't mind because Derrick's eyebags were well scary. Karel Kraai and Sarel Seemonster were seen as figures of fantasy rather than political satire (a clever black crow with a floppy hat and a guitar teaching a thick Afrikaans dragon about factories, hmmm!).

Magda had big hair and asked the little bee to blow on his flower horn, so that the daisies could sing for Bennie Boekwurm to appear. On the Cape Flats, boys would wonder what it would be like to be barefoot, on a farm and white, just like Trompie, Rooie, Dawie (not forgetting Boesman the dog). We all wondered when Heksie and Koning RoseDinges would finally get together (O Griet!). Heidi stashed soft white rolls for Ouma as she did not have any teeth while Pieter spoke out of the side of his mouth to his goats Svirni, Berli and Sneeutjie.

We did not have Hi Definition or Dolby 5.1, so our trip to the local moviehouse on a Saturday afternoon was like a magical adventure. There was the lady at the ticket office with the grey hair who looked at us over her spectacles and the big bearded chap who controlled the velvet rope and looked like a titan. Once my friends tried to convince me to slip between his legs so we could save some ticket money but I was unaccustomed to such criminal activity and stood in front of him, paralysed like a deer in th proverbial headlights. The seats were covered in tacky orange fluffy stuff, seasoned with used chewing gum. The best seats were halfway up, just behind the stairs, as you could drop things on people's heads as they came in.

Movies were an interactive medium during those days. It was assumed that the protagonist (or "Roker") was able to avoid danger based on the advice of the audience, and perform superhuman feats due to their encouragement. Any hint of sexuality (ie a kiss) was met with wolf-whistles. It was not uncommon for a movie to have a standing ovation as the credits rolled or for boys to learn Kung Fu in 2 hours. I can still recall watching Drunken Master with his red nose and matted grey hair, the monks of Shaolin temple with the six burn marks on their bald heads. Some of us started pointing to our noses when referring to ourselves in a conversation. One friend wore bell-bottoms as he liked the sound his trousers made when he kicked. We all wanted to be Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan. We all wanted nunchucks.

It was always a double feature then, with some rubbish used as a garnish for the main attraction. Of course both movies needed to be edited in order to fit multiple showings, but we knew no better. Intermission was a mad dash for the toilet and the tuck shop. Guava juice, Messaris Chilli chipi and Pick a Cake pies were the favourites. The guava juice was so artificial it made you wheeze, but the plastic bottle made a perfect projectile, especially if stuffed with a Chilli Chipi packet.

At the end of the movie, time to pose or practice your moves on the marble steps and then home in time for Magrib, a bath and Dallas.

There were some memorable releases as we grew up, Die Hard (which everyone mad the mistake of reading in Afrikaans when the saw the poster for the first time), Fatal Attraction (there was no concept of age restriction), the Rocky movies which had guys running up the marble steps singing "tadat taaa, tadat taaaaaa..."

With the advent of shopping malls and cine-plexes, it was tough for the local cinemas to compete. If I can think of one event that marked the end of the golden era of independant cinema in Cape Town, it was probably what I'd like to call the Schizm. The owners of the cinema probably thought they could get in more punters if they split the building lengthways into two pizza wedge-shaped sections with screens set at a crazy angle. Basically this meant that you watched one movie but heard two soundtracks. Value for money? It didn't work.