Eid

"So Dad", he began. I feared the worst. Surely he's too young for the birds and the bees. These words were usually followed by a question he had no doubt spent most of his five years thinking about. Answers were not usually simple.

"How do you know which is which?". "Oh no", I thought, "he's been watching the Discovery channel again, in between devouring this week's consignment of books from the library. Also, he has been looking at Kitty rather strangely..."

"Eid. Which one's which?"

I tried very hard to disguise my relief.

"Well", I replied.

"You know on one of them, we slaughter sheep or goats."

"Yes" he nodded.

"Female goats have udders. So that's how you remember Eid-ul-Adha(uddha)"

"What about the other one?"

"You remember that there's usually lots of food to eat, after a month of fasting, don't you?"

Another nod.

"Well, that's bound to make you put on weight. Eat till you're fatter. Eid-ul-Fitr"

"Aaaah", he looked satisfied with the answer, but I could see the wheels turning.

"So Dad" he began again.

"Udders, are they...."

Shortcut Shaheed

I'm thinking of launching a range of products. All this sleep-deprivation has given me some ideas. Feedback welcome.

Shortcut Shaheed, be proud of your humility!


We have a Ramadan special on Ovanite One-Mush Miracle, for those brothers who have made a late start on growing their beard. There is still time to catch up. There are some who have tried Propecia or Regain, but this is the first formulation designed specifically for beard growth. (please be sure to read the instruction leaflet carefully, as we will not be liable for any problems related to incorrect use. We are also pleased to announce that we won our recent landmark case, and we can confirm that using our product does NOT give you hair on your palms)

We also have a unisex range of Faux-Noor products, instant glow in a bottle.
Faux-Noor, for that just-been-to-Makkah glow, without the expense or the effort.

For the ladies, there's Muskbreath lip balm, so you can smell like you're fasting, even in your week off.
Muskbreath: shh! Nobody needs to know.

There's also the Bruise-matik forehead bruise template kit (in small, medium and large sizes- please note the large is a big seller so stocks are in short supply).

We've saved the best for last.
Are you tired of stumbling about in the dark for your istinja jug? Are you tired of cold water on your bits first thing in the morning? We at Shortcut Shaheed have the answer, the StinjaMax 9000! This revolutionary design means that a jet of water is directed where you need it, when you need it. Our (patent-pending) ADMix technology means that the water is at the optimal temperature for comfort and removal of waste, with a jet powerful enough to remove the most stubborn of remnants. Even sweetcorn and whole-wheat don't stand a chance against the StinjaMax 9000!
and if you call now, you can get the StinjaMax portable, aka Lump o' Clay, free! No more cumbersome rolls of toilet paper to carry around, and no more newsprint stains on your bottom. No more looking for random bits of clay or stone when you're on a picnic.
StinjaMax. For that really clean clean.

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